I Saw Wuffy Kissing Santa Claus
by fanfiction-freak
Summary: Wacky little fic. My brother came up with it, so I wrote it. R&R. Rated for language. Sorry about the delay in updating, we moved and I've lost the written 3rd, and last, chapter. I still haven't re-written it yet, but I will...maybe...someday...I hope...
1. Chapter 1

'I Saw Wuffy Kissing Santa Claus'

"…" – Speaking

'…' – Singing

Duo came bounding into the safe house's living room where Trowa and Quatre were cuddling on the couch. Wufei was arguing with Sally, Dorothy, and Hildi, and Heero was running around trying desperately to escape Relena.

Heero: "Get the HELL away from me, baka onna!"

Relena: "My Heero! Come to me!"

Heero: "ACK! I'm not _your_ Heero! I'm _Duo's_!"

Relena: "No! You're _MINE_! Now get your ass over here!"

Heero: "_HELL NO_!"

Relena: "Yes!"

Duo: "Relena, leave _my_ Heero alone."

Relena: "Humph! He's…"

Duo: "…not yours, Relena. He's mine, now leave him alone!"

Duo pulled Heero into a big hug. Heero looked up at him with puppy dog eyes.

Heero: "Thank you, Duo."

Meanwhile…

Wufei: "INJUSTICE! I do NOT need to cut my hair!"

Sally, Dorothy, and Hildi smirked wickedly.

All three: "YES, you do!"

Sally and Hildi held Wufei's arms while Dorothy grabbed the scissors and, still smirking, started walking toward him.

Wufei: "NOOO! You can't…!"

snip…snip…snip

Wufei: "…KISAMA! BAKA ONNAS! OMAE O KOROSU!"

Heero: "Hey that's my line!"

Duo, Trowa, Quatre roll their eyes as Sally, Dorothy, and Hildi start giggling. Relena was crying too hard about not being able to have Heero to notice; and Wufei was glaring at Heero for his burst of stupidity.

Duo: "Yo, dudes! And dudettes. Quiet down! I gotta surprise for you!"

Everyone else: "What?"

Duo: "Guess!"

Everyone else: "WHAT!"

Duo: "Sheesh! Cool it guys! I just wanted to get everyone into the Christmas spirit. It is, after all, Christmas! You know, a holiday? A time for celebration? A ti…"

Heero: "Get to the point, damn it!"

Duo: Ok, ok, fine! I have a song I want to sing to you. I wrote it myself!"

Relena: "Not now, Duo! I'm mourning the loss of my Heero."

Heero: "Ack! I'm NOT your Heero."

Duo: "Anyway, like I said, I want to sing you a song I wrote."

Hildi: "Wait a minute! You actually wrote a song?"

Duo: "Yeah."

Quatre: "Sing it for us Duo!"

Duo: "Sure Quat…"

Hildi: "STOP! You, a _very_ musically challenged boy, wrote a song? I don't believe it! Did you really write an ENTIRE song?"

Duo: "Heehee…uh…not an _entire_ song, no…"

Hildi: "I didn't think so!"

Trowa: "What did you do then, Duo?"

Duo: "Well, after I found my inspiration for this, I just kinda changed some words in an existing song around."

Wufei: "Figures. I knew you wouldn't be able to actually write a song."

Duo: "Hey! NOT nice, Wuffels!"

Wufei: "SHUT UP, MAXWELL!"

Sally, Dorothy, and Hildi: (at the same time) "YOU shut up, WUFFELS!"

Wufei: "Don't any of you baka onnas ever call me that…that despicable name ever again!"

Sally: "Aw…he's so kawaii when he's mad."

Wufei: "KISAMA!"

Duo: "Hello! Back to me please, children!"

Everyone pauses and looks at Duo.

Duo: "Thank you. I call my song…Uh, hang on a minute. Heero, Trowa, could you guys hold onto Wufei please?"

Heero and Trowa look at Duo, then each other, then grab hold of Wufei's arms.

Wufei: "Wha…Hey! Let go! NOW!"

Trowa: "Why do we have to restrain him, Duo?"

Duo: "You'll see! Ok, I call my song… 'I Saw Wuffy Kissing Santa Claus.'"

Wufei: "NANI! KISAMA! LET ME _GO_!"

Quatre: "Duo! Really?"

Duo: "Yep! Cool, huh?"

Dorothy: "_Very_ original Duo."

Duo: "Yeah, yeah, so all I did was replace 'daddy' with 'Wuffy.' I also made a few other adjustments in the song. You guys'll love it!"

Hildi: "I gotta hear this! Sing it Duo!"

Duo: "'Kay! Let me put the music on first."

Translations:

Kisama – bastard

Omae o Korosu – I'll kill you

Nani – what

Onna(s) – Woman(women)

Kawaii – cute

Baka – idiot or stupid (when in front of something else i.e. onna!)


	2. Chapter 2

Duo walked over to the CD player as he pulled a CD out of his pocket. He put it in and hit the PLAY button. He started swaying to the music as he began to sing.

'I saw Wuffy kissing Santa Claus,

Underneath the mistletoe last night,

He didn't see me creep,

Down the stairs to have a peep,

He thought that I was tucked up with my Heero fast asleep.'

'Then I saw Wuffy tickle Santa Claus,

Underneath his beard so snowy white,

There must be some mistake,

Was I really awake?

I rub my eyes and moved in close,

A better look to take.'

'Then I saw Wuffy hugging Santa Claus,

He took his hand and pulled him to the ground,

It must have been just fine,

Santa didn't seem to mind,

Then Wuffy moved across the room to pour them both some wine.'

'Then I saw Wuffy fondle Santa Claus,

And on his ear he nibbled now and then,

I crawled across the floor,

I hid behind the door,

I left it open just a crack so I could watch some more.'

'Then I saw Wuffy undress Santa Claus,

They quickly threw their clothes on Heavyarms,

Well much to my surprise,

I couldn't believe my eyes,

It wasn't Santa after all but Sally in disguise.'

'But I saw Wuffy kissing Santa Claus,

Underneath the mistletoe last night,

Ohh, what a laugh it would have been,

If I had only seen Wuffy kissing Santa Claus last night!'

When the song ended, Duo stopped swaying and turned to the others with a wide grin on his face. Everyone, except Wufei who was busy blushing crimson, stared at him wide-eyed. Duo's grin got even wider when he saw Wufei's reddening face. Suddenly, Heero, Trowa, Quatre, Hildi, Dorothy, and Relena burst into hysterical laughter. Duo grinned even wider, if possible, and Wufei defined a new shade of red.

Wufei: "KISAMA! I hate you…you…you braided BAKA! Oh, shut up you fucking hyenas!"

Wufei's outburst only made them laugh harder and sent Duo into hysterics as well. Wufei growled deep in his throat and yanked his arms out of Heero and Trowa's weakening grasps. They were turning red from lack of oxygen. Jus as Wufei was about to lunge at Duo, he heard a muffled thump come from next to the coffee table. Looking at the floor, he gasped.

Wufei: "K'so! Guys, help me! Sally just collapsed!"

Trowa, Heero (both still chuckling), and Wufei lifted Sally off the floor and onto the couch. Duo sent Hildi to the kitchen to get a glass of cold water. When she returned, Duo dumped the water on Sally's head. She bolted upright, gasping from the sudden cold.

Duo: "Are you alright?"

Sally: "H-hai. What happened?"

Quatre: "You collapsed, Sally."

Wufei: "Yes, and we want to know why, onna."

Sally: "I um…I-I don't know…"

Heero: "It was Duo's song, wasn't it?"

Sally: "…"

Quatre: "Come on, Sally, tell us!"

Relena and Hildi: "Pleasepleaseplease!"

Sally: "Ok! Hai, it was the song!"

Wufei: "Disturbing, wasn't it?"

Sally: "Um…Duo, where did you say you got the inspiration for that song?"

Duo: "Oh! Um…well, I didn't say…"

Sally: "Well, where did you?"

Duo: "Uh…"

Everyone else: "Come on, tell us!"

Heero: "Please, Shini-baby!"

Duo: "Uh…ok. I-I read the idea somewhere."

Heero: "Well, where the hell did you read it?"

Duo: "Well…a journal."

Quatre: "Whose journal, Duo?"

Duo: "Wufei's."

Translations:

Kisama – bastard

K'so – Shit

Hai – yes

Baka – idiot or stupid (when in front of something else i.e. onna!)

Shini-baby – short for shinigami baby (shinigami means God of Death)


End file.
